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The Cost of Being Right




My A#1 (NOT resolution) EQ skill for 2023 is to stop being right. Recently, my friend Shuronda, challenged me to stop complaining for a week. I thought, WTH, I’ll take that on. By just a few hours into the challenge, I was ready to throw in the towel. I can’t do this (see, more complaining). But then, I harkened back to my meditation exercises. I was reminded that meditation will invariably include interruptions and lapses of concentration. Even the best at meditating can keep their concentration for only 8 seconds at a time (Peak Mind, Amishi Jha). Instead of being frustrated I decided to just be aware of my complaining and let it go. I was pretty good at not voicing complaints, but my thoughts were almost overrun with complaining. Most of the time it was an argument (in my mind) with someone where I was right and I was going to teach them a thing or two. The more I “watched” and “heard” my complaining, the more I listened to how right I sounded. Take all that head conversation away and I needed to find other things to fill my thoughts. I decided to listen. To myself and others. The cost for me being right, was to stop listening, stop growing, and stop getting to know myself better, which is at the heart of EQ. I take great personal responsibility to be who I say I am. I am an “expert” in EQ, so I want to do things that continue my growth in EQ. I want to keep an open mind, question things, be of a growth mindset and continue this unachievable pathway of being an example of what I preach. (There I go again, wanting to be right!) It’s amazing what we find when we search inside ourselves for the questions and answers we need to grow.


How often do you find yourself wanting to be right?


I’m a coach and consultant. How might I help you (and in return, you help me)?

2 comments

2 Comments


bill duffy
bill duffy
Jan 20, 2023

Love you, Jim. One way that I have grown in this area is not think so much of who or what is right or wrong and think more of ANDs. That more than one thing can be true at one time. You and I may feel different about an emotion or situation. A "thing" may be this, but it also might that, and that, and a little bit of that too. All of this is common sense, but we all struggle to practice it. I've very intentionally started placing AND into my though process in business, personal, and even self-thought situations. I'm turning that concept into a habit and it feels good to SEE and therefore recognize other people more.

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That’s great, Bill. Continue to be scientist and accept others viewpoints. As one of my favorite songwriters, Joni Mitchell, wrote: “we come from such different sets of circumstances.”

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